Mr. Samberg, thanks for coming to your performance review.
No problem.
So, you're in charge around here. Is that fair to say?
Absolutely. I'm the boss.
Okay. So, take us through a day in the life of "the boss."
Well, the first thing I do is...
Talk to corporate (Like a boss)
Approve memos (Like a boss)
Lead a workshop (Like a boss)
Remember birthdays (Like a boss)
Direct work flow (Like a boss)
My own bathroom (Like a boss)
Micromanage (Like a boss)
Promote synergy (Like a boss)
Hit on Deborah (Like a boss)
Get rejected (Like a boss)
Swallow sadness (Like a boss)
Send some faxes (Like a boss)
Call a sex line (Like a boss)
Cry deeply (Like a boss)
Demand a refund (Like a boss)
Eat a bagel (Like a boss)
Harassment lawsuit (Like a boss)
No promotion (Like a boss)
Fifth of vodka (Like a boss)
Shit on Deborah's desk (Like a boss)
Buy a gun (Like a boss)
In my mouth (Like a boss)
Oh, fuck, man. I can't fucking do it. Shit...
Pussy out (Like a boss)
Puke on Deborah's desk (Like a boss)
Jump out the window (Like a boss)
Suck a dude's dick (Like a boss)
Score some coke (Like a boss)
Crash my car (Like a boss)
Suck my own dick (Like a boss)
Eat some chicken strips (Like a boss)
Chop my balls off (Like a boss)
Black out in the sewer (Like a boss)
Meet a giant fish (Like a boss)
Fuck his brains out (Like a boss)
Turn into a jet (Like a boss)
Bomb the Russians (Like a boss)
Crash into the sun (Like a boss)
Now I'm dead (Like a boss)
Uh-huh. So, that's an average day for you then?
No doubt.
You chop your balls off and die?
Hell yeah.
And I think at, uh, one point there you said something about sucking your own dick?
Nope.
Actually, I'm pretty sure you did.
Nah, that ain't me.
O-kay. Well, this has been eye-opening for me.
I'm the boss.
Yeah. No, I got that. You said it about four-hundred times.
I'm the boss.
Yeah. Yeah, I got it.
I'm the boss.
No, I heard you. See you later. (door shuts)
(Like a boss)
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